I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
