420 ftw
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
