Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
