I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
