im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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