grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
