I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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