did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He kissed a someone with a penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
