Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
