My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
