handjob tips. give me some.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
