True but thats because hes a fetus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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