upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
