Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
vagina is talking i cant
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
