I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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