call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
