I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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