i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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