I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
