New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
