The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this boner is exhausting
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
