my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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