is your mom at the bar?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
