i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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