So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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