He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
