I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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