I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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