do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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