My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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