U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
