the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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