My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
