it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
