I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
