At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sext me about skeletons
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
