I hate your face
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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