I'm really into asian looking animals
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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