Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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