WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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