I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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