I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
