you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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