By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
A+ Viking dick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
