sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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