Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
