Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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