I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
