Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
