Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
