Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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